That night was the last I spent with my friends. were as brothers, and those to whom I entrusted my mother before departure. I knew them one by one and I tried to do open heart to the warmth of my truth.
told them of the Father and of His power. I tried to prepare them for my absence, when we would no longer be together.
And then the time had come: the day had drawn a trajectory up to the moment of sacrifice on the cross.
That evening enjoy dinner with the same calm as ever, happily, until
... I felt the spirit of evil through the walls of the house, spinning between the heads of my brothers in search of the person he finally chose. A breath of cold pressed forward in an attempt you touch. I had heard that temptation, even then forced out of defeat. So, I saw the evil fall upon Judah Judah ... my .. He knew, like me, his weak-willed, the fear of being wrong all pandering to my projects, the hesitancy in the faith.
Satan was able to take advantage of a moment, that moment where everyone feels alone, abandoned by the world. When the questions are confusing the mind and heart become callous in the only attempt to defend himself.
Judah could not escape the embrace bewitching, evil, my eternal enemy. The attempt to resist, at first firm, he became increasingly weak until the unconditional surrender.
The evil it had in the last hour, the start of what had already been written. I knew that from that moment would happen. I knew the terrible sequence of events. Everything needed to free mankind from sin, to give them the opportunity to believe in a God father, a God who has sacrificed the most precious possession.
was me, prey, sacrifice, sacrificial ... me.
No one can really understand what I felt. The human condition was taken gradually become an exclusive, all-encompassing. For a moment, an insignificant, small, unrepeatable moment I hoped that everything would stop. That Abraham would like to revise the script, changing the epilogue. That death would retrace their steps without having picked the fruit, his hands scorched and empty for harvest failure.
that night, so dark. Although I was surrounded by my friends I felt completely isolated. Distance from everyone: from those who I longed to mortify my life, but also by those who loved me and that they could not be close to me.
the olive branches and shouting a song ominous Gethsemane turned slowly into a single court conviction.
The pain began to ask the space between the meat: irreverent conqueror claimed pride of place with the sole purpose of obscuring the mind.
vomited a cry to heaven, "Father take this cup away from me! ” (Mc 14, 36) “ ..Però non sia fatta la mia, ma la tua volontà” (Lc 22, 42) .
Immediata la risposta. Un abbraccio caldo mi avvolse completamente sostenendo quell’eccesso di umanità che aveva preso piede in me. La mia volontà ne uscì fortificata. L’amore riprese a soffiare in tutto me stesso con quella determinazione di sempre. Dovevo andare avanti. Volevo donare tutto.
“Giuda, amico mio, affretta il tuo tradimento. Quello che devi fare fallo subito (Gv 13, 27) .”
Cercavo conforto in coloro che mi avevano seguito. Dormivano. Mi sembrarono come bimbi ignari del destino del genitore che parte per la battaglia. Temevo for their future, for their faith. I wanted to wake them urging them to pray, "Get up and pray, lest ye enter into temptation" (Lk 22, 46) . Even
their prey. They, like me, destined to win because he blessed by my Father, who kept their hearts sparingly. Peter
I had sworn eternal fidelity: "I'd give my life for you" (Jn 14, 37) . Now I saw him dropped to sleep, overcome by fatigue and I felt his fear, the one that would deny our past together, forget the project.
"Woman, I do not know!" (Lk 22, 57) he said while the rooster sang fallimento, ricordandogli chi era, confermandogli chi sono io.
“Padre mio, … si compia la tua volontà!” (Mt 26, 42) .
Sapevo che Dio non vi avrebbe lasciato solo. “..io sono nel Padre e il Padre è in me..” (Gv 14, 10) avevo risposto a Filippo che mi chiedeva di mostrargli il Padre “Chi ha visto me, ha visto il Padre” (Gv 14, 9) . Sentivo la sua mano come sempre lampada ai miei passi (Salmo 118, 105) e per questo non dovevo temere.
Quel filo di scoramento sul quale danzava la mia volontà mi riportava il ricordo delle tentazioni nel deserto. Anche allora Satana aveva provato ad insinuarsi nella fallibilità of my human nature. He wanted to measure the strength of what he knew to be weak in all others. He knew the folds of a soul goodbye. I underestimated in the mixture with the divine nature. So he did not want to surrender, stubborn attempt to award a price to pay for winning last.
had to be content to fall back on those who stood beside me.
Judah came together with other people in dealing with certain fate. I met him staring into his eyes. In her kiss, I found it empty, loneliness, torment. I wanted to tighten it to heal the soul, as well as many others had happened. Shout out to rid the body of Satan, losing once again that endless race. Judas turned away, so he started the story that would tell the world that God loves men.
"Judas ... did not I loved you enough ..?! Did not I cradled in your mother's womb as with anyone else? Salvati ..! Escape. Run away from the remorse that you hang on the tree .. "
reveal a series of images that I saw the protagonist.
Now, the olive branches were transformed into the arms of soldiers, torturers, vibrant blows loads of hate on my helpless body. "Ecce Homo" was to play a first sentence that he tried to exonerate from blame non-existent. The scourge of atonement needed to save my life.
skin feels so fine, cover a spike from the mangled flesh of the clubs, the blades of the beaters. Every stroke produced the shock of the muscles and the pain was walking fast along these small nerves, now emerging on the surface.
My eyes locked in a grimace of agony, even more closed than it was contracted to the mouth in an attempt to block any hiss.
The violence of the men were hurled on the head, shoulders, wherever there was not an even color from ruby \u200b\u200bblood gushing bounced against the tools of those butchers.
than I could bear ...
The hallucinations continued in the projection of my future.
I saw the olive trees around, turn from perpetrators to victims. The trees bent under the impact of the sharp gusts of wind that was raging. Each wound on the trunk distilled sap that slid down to the roots getting lost in the folds of the cortex. So about me. The blood was covered entirely.
I fell to the last shot launched by the soldier on my left. A dull thud. In the collision with the ground I felt the bones give way. A shooting pain went through his back until you reach the base of the skull at the point where the football club had sunk his violence.
I felt a profound evil, than that which can be generated from an injury or the anguish of the flesh.
suffering arose from the betrayal, abandonment. Synthesized all the negativity that the world had managed to accumulate, always. That evil poured on me at the same moment when my body hurt testified supreme good, born from the sacrifice, sacrificed for the purification and redemption of all. This was contrary to squeak enormously, most of my clenched teeth in the bite of suffering.
went back to me and my heart seemed to subside. Also relaxed their olive branches and the leaves shimmering silver reflection on the moon. The leaves are almost touching the sky, stretched in an attempt to move away from unlikely soil. They tried to take it away from the same land that was preparing the stage for denying its creator.
A firefly lantern there was space in the dark of night gradually enlarging the blaze. Was coming to a crawl and took with him a roar of armor and swords. I recognized what was already shown in previous premonition and I knew that everything was about to begin.
In the glow of the lamp is materialized, the figure of Judas, while shortening the distance between our bodies. Behind guards capture ready.
"Who do you want?" (Jn 18, 4) he answered "Jesus of Nazareth." In that name I recognized my destiny.
"I am".
Judah gained space and coming up, kissed me on the cheek. It was the signal agreed upon. From then on, the story would have walked lungo un sentiero parallelo.
Così, in quell’attimo, vidi il mio corpo inchiodato ad una croce ed il cielo tingersi del mio stesso sangue.
“Donna, ecco tuo figlio! (Gv 19, 26) … “Ecco tua madre!” (Gv 19, 27) . Ascoltavo la mia voce mentre recitava un testamento spirituale, consegnando colei che mi aveva donato la carne. Completavo così un progetto perfettamente delineato.
Gridai. Gridai forte. Questa volta stentai a riconoscere la voce. Mi sembrò diversa. “Padre, nelle tue mani affido il mio spirito” (Lc 24, 46) . “Tutto è compiuto” (Gv 19, 30) . La testa scivolò lungo arm completing the semicircle evaporated down and the last breath mingling among the clouds.
With it you lost my humanity given to those men who had renounced me and that I have always loved.
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